YES I AM JUDGEMENTAL!
AREN’T
YOU?
Credit-Marcel Straub (Unsplash)
In my long years of corporate working and also amongst my family / relations/ friends, I don’t remember if anyone in the recent past ever mentioned even in a lighter mood that I was being judgmental. Yes couple of times my children did opine “Come on Papa you seem to be Judgmental.” I was honestly taken aback and spent day thinking as to what ‘being judgmental’ meant in my personal framework. I realized that despite best efforts to keep it safe, yet most people consciously/ unconsciously judge and critically review others every now and then. It might be for small issues like walking style, presentation, socializing, dressing sense, work performance, body language etc. It may be even for bigger issues such as lack of empathy/ emotional warmth, aggressive conduct/ relationship sensitivities or even ‘no care attitude’ and sense of self etc. Judging people is a natural and important part of human nature and habit to assess and at times may also lead to wrong evaluations. Undoubtedly the undertone of being judgmental is habitually construed negative. But that may not be true always. Mark Twain once said “The common eye sees only the outside of things, and judges by that, but the seeing eye pierces through and reads the heart and the soul, finding their capacities which the outside didn't indicate or promise, and which the other kind of eye couldn't detect.”
What an irony that most of you happen to be judgmental when it suits to give dent to your mental frustrations due to a colleague/ relation’s fast progress in career or building assets or even a marriage proposal not materializing. Oh! Yes criticizing at times is a short lived emotional mental solace but you awfully disapprove of, if you find any of your own relation/friend doing it. And most easy thing going around perhaps is that if you don’t like some one’s comments, shut him/her down by saying “Come on friend, don’t be judgmental”. The word ‘judgmental’ is as common as ‘attitude’ and is used laid-back in communications. I for one believe that every other person amongst you is judgmental when it suits him/her and refuses to acknowledge when it is not part of their frame of mind. I strongly believe that being judgmental is surely a human personality characteristic. It may be an offshoot of strong likes and dislikes, censure, criticism, relationship paradigms, decisive evaluations etc. And why not, isn’t it better than sitting like a lame duck and just keep observing people/situations with no expressions and avoid risk of displeasing people around by not giving dent to true feelings. It is
is just like ‘flowing with the current’.
The Dalai Lama once said that, “People take different roads seeking fulfilment and happiness Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost Yes I am candid; I am judgmental when the situations coax me to do so. To me being judgmental is a key skill that helps to arrive at a suitable decision based on the available information and facts. Also at times, it helps compare personality attributes. Depending on how your mind assesses the person/situation to others, you may feel elated or de- motivated. As someone said “Judging others helps us to feel as though we are secure”. Yes off course I don’t normally see anything wrong on you being judgmental provided you have a basis and reasoning for it and are open to changing initial opinion subject to your understanding and acceptance. What a fait accompli every second person is judgmental but shies away in accepting the fact.
Advantages
1 Being judgmental may at times help in being transparent, and some strength of character to assess and then open up. Being decisive and critical also helps to be creative, innovative, and understanding other person’s problems.
2 It is part of your normal daily life and involves
thorough studying of pros and cons, analysis of the situation before deciding
on the course of action.
3 Every
opinion you may have is off course judgment in itself – whether good or bad.
Being judgmental is often based on your insight and awareness.
4 Most generally don’t like to
mix around with those who are intolerable, obnoxious, and hateful and have unbearable
conduct. Being judgmental helps you in judging the type of reasonable behavior and
in this way; you may be able
to decipher the type of behavior that generally will be acceptable.
5 On a failure in achieving pursuits,
you may be able to critically evaluate the self- behavior and possibly compare
it with the successful individuals and keep
a frame of reference. This will help focusing on the positives and constantly motivate
you to strive for success.
Reactivate Power of
1 By using the mind power and keeping it active even if the issue/person may or may not be of any consequence
2 An aid in decision making no matter at times there may be an error of judgement.
3 Generating a view /opinion even if it may not be agreed by others and at times reflection of your state of emotions
4 Needs to be least influenced by ego, personal preferences, and biasness and be more objective (often difficult to implement). You may have an opinion and intend to give it a dent. It is entirely your choice to accept/ discard or form a different opinion. Encourage diverse views.
5 It is useful to give logic/support to your judgmental observations. Don’t worry if others agree/disagree provided you have applied mind before giving dent to your feelings. Don’t ever make judgments that have negative consequences and harm a person/situation.
Judgmental Errors
Human beings generally have individual preferences, likings/ aversion to and these often come into play while judging. A good judgment calls for clarity of thought, balanced sentiments and uniformity of approach. Excluding elements such as: desires, hunches, and wishes to keep your judgment impartial as for as possible. Judgmental errors are common and possibly a way of life. Being judgmental is a key personality trait that needs handling with deep thinking to avoid wrong decision making. Take a look at the following short story to bring the subject home:-
“A man had a mongoose and his wife did not like it. One day they left the mongoose with their child and went to the market. His wife returned first. She saw the mongoose having a bloody mouth and blood in its paws at the entrance. Worried and angry, she took a big stick and hit the mongoose. The mongoose died instantly. When she entered inside, she saw the child lying on the floor and playing. She also saw a snake bitten to pieces. She realized her mistake. Their mistaken judgment made them lose their pet”.
To tap it- Being judgmental is a personality characteristic and is no way horrendous, but getting trapped in it and refusing to change the outlook is. Be judgmental, if the situation demands, but at the same time be flexible and open-minded to change. It is said “be curious but not judgmental. Easy is to judge the mistakes of others. Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes”
Bhushan Kachru
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