Avoid Criticism
Do Nothing…… Say Nothing
Photo -Brightonikon/The Gottman Institute
By nature human beings are born to be
critical. The moment a child is born, some work over time to criticize…Oh! Looks
like father… No looks like mother… Have big eyes… etc. Once start school, we are
criticized whole day. Keeps watching TV all day and gets up late, often misses school
bus, complaints on petty fights, incomplete home work, neighbor’s child
excelling in studies etc. The office environment is full of criticism. Day in
and day out there is criticism between the spouses and their in-laws. On not meeting
our desires, we criticize the God. On growing old, children criticize for being
out of trend. Just name anything; we are good at criticizing or getting
criticized. Criticism has played a role
in who we are—from parents and teachers criticizing us as a school kid to our
spouses and peers criticism as an adult. At times the facial expressions, body
language or even silence conveys criticism.
Sadly I have often been a prey to criticizing
and judging people/situations around. May be it is because of my HR
professional nuances. Strangely whenever I was criticized,
I would at times argue, blush, feel embarrassed and give choicest abuses
silently and carry over anger for many hours. Criticism is an easy form of our ego security. We don't criticize because we are against
with a behavior or an attitude. We criticize because
we in some way feel undervalue by the behavior or attitude of others. It
is said that ‘Blessed is the man who can take bricks thrown at him and build a
strong foundation.’ Churchill likened criticism
to “pain in the human body—an unpleasant experience that is necessary for
growth and learning. He also stated that being criticized is good because it
meant you have stood up for something.”
The early meaning of
criticism was primarily literary criticism. However, over the year’s
criticism has turned to making critical observations on an individual’s behavior/conduct/
personality/ work accomplishment etc. The reaction to criticism is usually met by
anger and unhappiness. At times we may enter in to a dialogue and
explain our view point that may soothe and bring some relief to our ego. Most
of us feel happy if we are praised and become de-motivated if criticized. Criticism
with ulterior motives needs to be ignored. It is important to assess the
emotional state of the critic because people in an angry state of mind let off
their steam. The normal process of evaluating and criticizing job performance
sometimes becomes minefield. It is common to witness superiors criticizing and
reprimanding juniors if the performance is below expectations. For instance "How
could you make such a stupid mistake?” The superior here may be using it as
a stick to motivate the employee to work harder. But it makes employee critical
of the superior and ends up hurting him.
Key Behavioral Inputs
1 Criticism is a sensitive emotion emanating from the critical mind and may
be used to settle scores. It needs to be handled in a way that both the critic
and receiver take it as an aid for development.
2 It is normally identified with blame, humiliations or even insult. Sometimes constructive criticism is misunderstood due to the psychological fear and worry. Some take criticism in the positive stride while others may develop negative feelings. It varies from individual to individual and depends on their emotional state of mind.
3 Several people are in the habit of criticizing on one pretext or other whole day. These individuals have unstable emotional levels and never bother to look at their own mind-sets.
4 Criticism could be both for motivating /de-motivating or even an outcome of resentment, jealousy, ego, complaints etc.
5 It is unhelpful feeling if it is to do with our conduct, personality, ridiculing and mocking, guilt and focused on mistakes rather than on improvements.
6 Sometimes the critic may feel threatened by our capability and
potential etc. so he may attempt to level by picking wholes in whatever we do.
At times the critic may have an imposing personality and may like to project
his bossism etc.
7 On occasions critics may
like to be seen as being politically correct, may therefore threaten to make
his presence felt as a power center. He may cover up his upset feelings by
resorting to dishonoring us as revenge. Often the critic may lack social
skills and may not be able to present his well meaning feedback skilfully.
8 Repeatedly spouses show
disapproval of each other by giving dent to their feelings of hurt, and lack of
importance lying beneath. We need to
assess the critics plan before responding appropriately.
9 Often we counter threat perception by
resorting to criticism especially true in organizations and in joint families. At times we may feel undervalue and
diminished by conduct of others. In practice usually critics are not liked and
at times they are likely to be insulted.
Credit-www.freepik.com/photos/woman
Reactivate
Yourself
Steps to Manage Negative
Criticism
How so well we may manage
criticism yet in practice, most feel badly apart from getting de
motivated. We devote time and energy to deal with the criticism thereby making
it difficult to focus on other things. The best way to deal with the criticism
is to differentiate it from our self i.e. as a person and take it genuinely as
a feed back for improvement. For example in the office, if the manager says ‘This job is badly handled’. Don’t see this as a criticism of the person
but criticism of the job in question. It would be pertinent to learn how to handle the job better instead of
wasting energy in responding. This way we will feel constructive and act as a
rehearsal to deal with similar state of affairs in future. Avoid instant reactions of
lashing back at the critic. For instance:-
A husband tells his wife. “You have been cooking the same dishes every
now and then. You hardly listen to me and continue with what you have learned
and picked up at your parents place”.
In a situation like this, wife needs to respond by modifying her cooking
as per the wishes of the husband and avail the opportunity to improve .An
argument of ‘if and but’ would only lead to anger and weaken the relationships.
Positive Energy: With a positive frame of mind, understand that criticism is comment on our
actions. Avoid instant reactions of lashing back at the critic. Do not become defensive
instead respond based on logic and facts.
Opportunity to Improve: Criticism is an opportunity to carry an
overall improvement on our work/relationship/conduct. An argument of ‘if and
but’ would only lead to anger and weaken the relationships. Learn managing cross sectional views.
Be Open to Change: Criticism is an opportunity for effecting
change in inter -personal relations, communication etc. Critic’s suggestions
can be of immense help in effecting change.
Understand the Motivation: Decipher constructive criticism from
destructive one. There is a possibility that in order to hurt our self esteem
or ego, a negative criticism is purposely made. Don’t react. Just smile off the
comment.
Be Calm and Positive: Personal attacks and insults need to be responded in a calm, professional and dignified manner. This not only brings appreciation from people around but helps keep emotions under check.
Positive Changes: Comments
received with a positive frame of mind lead to changing behavior, improving social
skills and performance.
Depict Balanced Emotions: Positivity helps in understanding the criticism in a proper perspective. Avoid instant reactions of lashing back at the critic.
Photo Credit- Brooke Cagle
To sum up, criticism is a means for
effecting primarily change in personal relations, conduct and behavior.
Critic’s suggestions can be of immense help in effecting change. However, in
practice howsoever exceedingly well we may perform our work yet criticism will
always be at our back and call. No body, nor I nor you would like to hear
negative comments more so if made with an ulterior motive. Surely one of the main
skills of growing professionally or otherwise is to give and receive feedback
and top of it criticism.
Bhushan
Kachru
Blogger
I have an interesting experience on same When is st columbas school we have one brother as our teacher. He used to send regular feedback to parents by post. He would first highlight the students good points and then only he would list out the weakness of students which require improvement.
ReplyDeleteIn my service I used the above with my workers and engineers and managers. They never had any grievances with me and I was among the best managers who could get work done. Same thing with family. I think if we change our way of criticism we can achieve lots.
THANKS. APPRECIATE SHARING YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCES ON CRITICISM. A SIMILAR METHOD IS FOLLOWED IN MOST PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZATIONS WHEREIN DURING PERIODICAL PERFORMANCE EVLUATIONS, THE MANAGER HIGHLIGHTS GOOD CONTRIBUTIONS FOLLOWED BY AREAS OF IMPROVEMENTS TO BUILD ON MOTIVATION AS ALSO USE PROFESSIONALISM IN CONVEYING CRITICAL COMMENTS. I AM SURE YOUR VALUED COMMENTS TO GENERATE DISCUSSIONS IN COLUMNS OF THIS BLOG WEBSITE.
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