Looking Beyond
Our Nose
Photo Credit- Medium.com
I
grew as a self-seeking child and was always under the grueling eyes of my two
younger sisters. I recall being too possessive of my late father and would
always be around him. This often created
displeasure between us during our childhood. Once in college/university, my
being self-possessive grew as I was somewhat popular since I was a Supreme Councilor of Delhi University Students Union for two years. Once a career professional,
the possessiveness started declining because of professional hazards as I had
to manage human resources as my functional responsibility. As a result, the façade of self-cantered behavior was the last thing employees would tolerate. My
consort Rita often cautions me when I would keep talking quite
a bit about me and my university days, making others feel like they are of
lesser importance. I am sure those of you who perhaps know me personally may be
surprised. Thinking as to why Bhushan is being self-critical of some part of
his behavioral manifestation. Readers this is the best learning one can have
by depicting honesty, being transparent and forthright with self- criticism. Do
try and see the results. The proof of pudding is in the eating.
I have over the years observed that some of us are usually in search of personal identity and self-seeking. While normal strength of self-confidence is important to function. However, there appears a slim line between being a little too self-absorbed and arrogant or just over confident. Some of us habitually self-promote and encourage ‘step-on-others’ to move ahead. Being selfish temporarily may get us as far as we’d think. There are times when some become selfish on the spot and may get tempted to think ‘what is in it for me’. This presumably may be because by and large some people around are predominantly high-handed, authoritarian and have often narrow vision and somewhat negative perceptions. Make no mistake; it is surely positive attitude and mind-set to look beyond our nose, beyond our own self-interest and not to excessively self-focus.
It is an irony that when some of us are full of ‘Self’, we may be unaware of negative attitudes and thoughts. We may perhaps realize only towards the end of conversations. This may be because character of self-interest and egoism etc. can hide behind our good qualities such as high level of self-confidence, good self-esteem, PR skills etc. Our persona is expected to start looking around and explore and discover shift in our perspectives. As Zig Ziglar, once said that, “you can have anything in life that you want, if you will help enough other people get what they want”.
Answer following Soul Searching Questions
1 How often have we open-handedly given admiration to anyone without expecting claps in return?
· 2 How often have we
got encouraged by anyone …without trying to push our accomplishments right next
to theirs a minute later?
3 How often have we endorsed and encouraged our peers’ accomplishments …instead of always bragging about our own
4 How often have we given credit to an outstanding accomplishment of our subordinate to our seniors? When is the last time we complimented our spouse/ family for a job well done rather than bragged that this was only possible because of our efforts?
5 How often have we tried to pinch the applause of our competitor on his/her accomplishments by stepping into their spotlight little later and under cutting it before seniors?
6 If we answer the above questions truly, we would appreciate the essence of the subject being discussed here.
Get over Sense of Self
The tendency to acquire self-centered behavior comes mostly from insecurity, complexes, intricate nature and fear. The ‘I’, ‘I am’, ‘Me’, ‘Mine’ and ‘My’ generally connotes selfish and egoistic behavior. Practice suggests that those of us who reflect command, authority and dictatorial attitude, reveal a style of attraction and dominance. They may possibly be head driven due to their temperament and personality manifestations of self-seeking behavior. It is common to call someone selfish if he/she is found bragging-- ‘I did this and I did that’. Self-centered individuals have great difficulty in maintaining and developing relationships, team working, and cooperation. They perpetually feel that they are at all times right. Their ego does not allow them to accept mistakes and tender apologies. Sometimes accomplishments may go to their head and may reflect arrogance. Every now and then while achieving life objectives, it is quite possible that one part of our mind starts becoming shaky-“will I achieve it finally or not.” The other part may sow seeds of high headedness, ego, arrogance and self-interest etc. We may have to deeply reflect within how to look beyond our nose.
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Knowledge and Learning
Don’t keep knowledge/expertise under wrap for imaginary fear of others learning and enchasing it. Identify work areas, traits, and skills where we may feel self-deficient and strongly need improvements. Find out colleagues/friends who have similar need and team up with them to brainstorm and exchange learning’s.
Look for Higher Purpose
By controlling ego manifestations, we encourage humility, bring in modesty
and reserve which are normally heart
driven. Humility is of higher human value. This allows our mind to segregate
truth from falsehood and discourage blowing our own trumpet. Unassuming nature and
fairness cannot be achieved over night.
We need to gradually kill ego by accepting mistakes, being flexible and
gracefully tendering apologies when required.
Ego Enemy of Group Relationships
There are bound to be occasions when we may not see eye to eye with our contemporaries
because of disagreements. This no doubt satisfies our mind temporarily but it
results in obstruction in building relationships and blocking of inter-personal
communications. We are expected to try and get rid of false prestige by
travelling an extra mile to shake hands, mend relationship and initiate a
constructive dialogue. However, should
the other party be still adamant, forget and move on. At least we got out of our ego hassles and
initiated a process of self cleansing of mind. Not an easy thing to do.
Photo Credit- Ryan Moreno
1 Get to know in depth our extended family members, colleagues and team
members. Start paying attention to their needs, our actions and their
responses. Sometimes it is advisable to put our self in their shoes to empathies.
2 Check our own attitudes and beliefs and don’t
think of our next move or that our thoughts are better and more meaningful than
others.
3 Get off our high horses even if we are
already recognized persona in the community, organization, or are in a leadership role etc. Don’t visualize
and think that we are more important than others.
4 Don’t copy emotions of others and crave for their attention.
5 When in conversations with others try to bring up subjects that are of common interest. If we realize that someone is too selfish and self-absorbed, stay away from him/her.
6 Often we need to play a responsible role by inspiring, motivating and generating drive among our colleagues/team members.
7 Constantly praise and give accolades and compliments whenever required. Use “I” when accepting responsibility for mistakes and letdowns and use “we” when referring to achievements and accomplishments.
Very well written with great insight of human nature
ReplyDeleteEgo is the one we have to master
Let’s make a start by reading your wonderful article
THANKS FOR YOUR VALUED COMMENTS. APPRECIATE. I THINK IN ADDITION TO EGO, THERE IS NEED FOR CONTROLLING OVER CONFIDENCE, ONE UPMANSHIP, SHOWING OFF, JEALOUSEY AND SOCIAL COMPARISONS IN CERTAIN SITUATIONS, SENSE OF SELF. INCULCATING EMPATHETIC NATURE.CHEERS!
DeleteI agree very well written.
ReplyDeleteTHANKS FOR YOUR ACTIVE PARTICIPATION IN 'REACTIVATEING YOURSELF'.
Delete