Welcome to My Blog - Bhushan Kachru

 

                                      Social Comparison

                    Thief of Contentment

                                                Creater-Lryna Bort(2012 Book.lardbucket.org)

I recall as a child, I would always gaze at big bungalows, foreign made cars and teenagers wearing wrangler jeans, riding Jawa motorbikes. Once I along with my late father was walking through a posh locality. Finding me rotating my head around couple of times, he stopped and said “Bhushan why are you looking up to those palatial houses, look at the hutments. Otherwise you would fall in the pit”. Today I realize how true is that our life journey is good times…bad times…changing times.

If we happen to spend some time observing mind-sets of a cross section of ‘have ones’, we would be amazed how in-spite of having all materialistic comforts yet most lack contentment. Their monkey mind always craves for more and more. Similarly take a look at some middle class families; they are habitually comparing themselves with neighbors / friends /relations. Their comparisons usually relate to looks of their spouses, children’s education, assets, position status etc. These features help in evaluating their position with respect to those doing better or less than them or at par with them. Social comparison is a normal behavioral approach. In 1954 Leon Festinger   hypothesized that people compare themselves to others for self-evaluation. Why can’t we understand that each person has his / her own journey? Some are able to walk the journey fast without facing speed breakers. While for others the journey may be tiresome and full of obstructions. Don’t look at other’s journey.  Instead focus on our own journey. No two individuals are born with same personality attributes.

                                  

                                        Photo -Nimita Shah(https://www.womanthology.co.uk/)

Comparing I feel is the easiest thing going around. All we need to do is focus our mind on others and compare where we stand .We set our own parameters to compare. For instance most of us have funny ways of social comparisons. We try and compare our weakness with other’s strength resulting in stress. For instance

 No matter how many flats we own, no matter how much we invest, no matter what position we hold in the society, no matter which latest car we own… Yet we will never be contended and continue saying “Yeh Dill Mangae More” (This heart yearns for more).

 Why don’t we consolidate what we have and ensure it remains intact?  Surprisingly we feel good when we buy a new flat/house and then we feel bad when our neighbor goes ahead and acquires a bigger flat/house. I think to some extent media and advertising is responsible in creating a class distinction and social hierarchy in the society. Most of us get lured by the visual effects and in the process get ranked according to it. How about having a relook at values we cherish most. These undoubtedly offer us with motivation, liveliness and calm our thoughts and mind. 

                                                                Photo- Credit Google

Psychological Implications

According to psychological studies, ‘social comparisons are usual behavioral activities where  most seek to comprehend their ‘status’—relating to ability, opinion, emotional reaction etc. by comparing themselves to others. ’ Social comparisons no doubt may be useful to   let us know if we are ‘on track’… but practically these lead to negative thoughts and behaviors such as frustrations and jealousy etc. or may even lead to scheming. Comparing socially puts strain on our contentment and over all dissatisfaction. It is reported that ‘Individuals with greater social comparison orientation derived from low self-esteem have worse mental health, as they are more likely to hurt themselves psychologically’.

1 Our emotional balance, contentment and satisfaction get eroded. It takes away our joy and happiness and brings in regrets. Sometimes we envy and become resentful watching the rise and fame of others.

2 We start feeling insecure and think that we don’t measure up in social comparisons.  We sense others are luckier, smarter, and wiser than us.

3 Our mind’s eye may perceive how other does do visualize our being left behind in comparison. We may feel demoralized and lose confidence. Unfortunately we do not realize that people when basking in their own glory are least concerned about us. It is purely our own negative thoughts about ourselves that may pull us down.

 4 We feel it is better to compare ourselves with those at a lower level than us. This helps in managing mood swings and helps in positive outlook for self -motivation and satisfaction. Such comparisons also help those who feel economically they are not doing well. Downward comparisons also act as a stress buster.

 Reactivate Yourself

 Often we compare without realizing the total picture. If others possess more than us, it may be because of their    education and career choices, family background. Who knows what sacrifices they have undergone to reach their current level of excellence?

1 Carry a reality self check and identify areas of improvements in our behavior / relationships / job.  Work on improvements and convert these gradually to potency and vigor. Appreciate that we all have limitations and recognize that everyone cannot become CEO/ millionaire.

2 Try being creative, imaginative, and helpful and have a mission of achieving self-actualization.  Don’t focus on rankings in the comparison hierarchy, we will get lost. On travelling our life journey, someone has rightly said, “Even while on that journey we already ARE someone, we already are SOMEWHERE, and can already be contributing SOMETHING - right now, not just when we get to the destination.”

3 Spotlight on what we have rather than what we don’t and ensure that it remains while constantly work towards improving. Develop habit of using spare time in exploring our talents and passions and developing our potency. This will strengthen confidence, build image and boost morale. Think about how lucky we are to have what we have and people care for us. Unfortunately there are millions around who don’t possess even the bare minimum. Remember more is relative, has no limitations and ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and frustrations.

4 Get over judging people by their exteriors such as: clothes, cars, houses, ornaments etc. Some times what we see and hear may not be true. For instance: Rich and famous may have more family discords, divorces, black money, loneliness etc. Quite often true picture emerges once there is a reality check.

5 Appreciate that nobody is perfect nor happiness is available on the shelf. Every one undergoes failures at some point of time in their life. Some hide to ensure their image is not eroded. Who knows beneath wearing an expensive shirt, the undershirt may be torn.

6 There are many who by virtue of their good deeds, discipline and hard work have risen in life.  Try studying reasons behind their rise and draw some inspirations.

7 It is perhaps irony of destiny that generally the society evaluates each other on parameters of wealth and social standing etc. But aren’t we first answerable to ourselves, our deeds and contentment.

8 When comparing, don’t choose one trait which suits us instead compare in totality. For instance someone may be good in studies but have average personality, rich but not happier, beautiful but not smart.  

 9 Avoid comparing the most unpleasant about ourselves to the best guess we make about others. Their life is never as perfect as our mind may make it out to be. We are unique and our life is different.

 10 Be content with what we possess, never with what we are.  Take pride in our being and the progress that we have made over the years.

 

 Bhushan Kachru

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