Welcome to My Blog - Bhushan Kachru

 

                                  Emotional Striptease

                                                              Image Credit-@Strip Club Quotes

From times immemorial emotions have been a permanent facet of our being. Like the heart beat , emotions sprout the moment a child is born and become part and parcel of  his life . We generally hear in casual conversations that “so and so has no emotions.” “Her mother in-law is often emotionally cruel”. Time and again we are told to control emotions. Oh! Gosh I wish it was as simple as a walk in the Mall. Well honestly, we have to live with them whether these are positive or negative. Although as we become mature, start a job, we gradually learn to hide these under some pretense. Whenever I am in a pensive mood, my children tell me-“Oh come on Papa don’t be emotional”. I often tell them that ‘We Walk with emotions…Eat with emotions…and Sleep with emotions’. These are behavioral inputs formed through our senses which get converted in to thoughts and onwards to suitable sentiments such as joy, sorrow, hate, and love etc.

  I am not a great fan of watching soap operas aired by different TV channels. However, my spouse Rita is fond of regularly watching Pakistani serial drams. Some time back on a weekend, she suggested me to watch ‘Khamoshi’ (Pakistani TV series drama) before writing on emotional striptease. I therefore dedicate this post to emotional cruelty around with a hope that positive emotions will lead kindly, light for all of us.

                                                                     

                                       Lead, kindly light, amid the encircling gloom,                                                                                                            Lead thou me on;

                                       The night is dark, and I am far from home;

                                                             Lead thou me on;
                                       And with the morn those angel faces smile,
                                       Which I have loved long since, and lost a while.

                                                                                                                                                                Source:  Musixmatch

                                                                                                                                           

                                                                            Photo Credit-What’s up

I grew up as a child with the understanding that whenever individual’s cried /loved/laughed, they were reflecting their feelings and sentiments towards others. I vividly remember as a child during summer vacations, I would visit our ancestral home in Srinagar (Kashmir) with parents. On arrival, grandparents, uncles/aunts etc. would first hug us tightly, cry and then make love and the same would happen when we left Srinagar for home at Delhi. Those were the days when every second person was low on materialistic desires/ greed and more on to relationships, selfless love and care.  Most people, I recall surely seemed driven by heart and carried abundance of fellow feelings, and respects. Like every other commoner, I realized that emotions were just feelings like crying/loving/laughing. But as I grew and went to Delhi University, I understood vagaries and great importance of emotions in our life in the HR class of my Management program. I got to comprehend that emotions are our way of life. These are highly sensitive in nature and affect our mood which in turn may affect our judgment, decisions, perceptions, behaviors, and thoughts. Dr. Maurice Elias, renowned Psychologist says, “Emotions are human beings’, our most reliable indicators of how things are going on in our lives”. 

 To me ‘Emotional Striptease’ is somewhat like a pole dance in which we gradually strip off many facets of  life possibly not known to many. There may be situations when under great duress and oppression; we are made to strip off different facets of our persona. For instance in TV serial dramas/theatre/ movies etc., one comes across scores of scenes of emotional striptease.  Movies/dramas are often mirrors of the society and have millions of viewership. To me some of these TV drama shows ostensibly depict normal societal reflections and express the inner core of our thoughts/beliefs/sentiments. Often the main characters are shown to undergo cruelty of sufferings and emotional hurt to build on the impending story and at times our conscious freezes while watching the show. Emotional striptease at times may lead to domestic violence and crime. Depending on the situation, emotions take no time to convert in to passions. For instance during a Football match, coaches are all the time found depicting their sentiments. “Emotions bridge thought, feeling, and action – they operate in every part of a person, they affect many aspects of a person, and the person affects many aspects of the emotions.” Thoughts occur in our conscious mind while the emotions occur in the sub conscious mind.

 

                                                       Photo Credit-Neurolnsights

                                                                                      Photo Jernej Graj (Unsplash)

Suppressing/Releasing Emotions

1 Set of beliefs, perceptions, and important past incidents stored in our subconscious mind usually become our guiding principles and manifest in to circumstances and actions in our life. For example, if we are raised in a joint family and witness our parents not respecting their parents, we grow with negative beliefs leading to negative emotions.

2 At times we depict a satisfied image by our attire and conduct.  Actually beneath satisfaction, we may be    depressed and frustrated. Suppressing emotions leads to stress, low morale, anger, and disharmony in relationships etc.

3 Emotions are generally of built-in nature and therefore last longer in our mind-set.     Some times we do not fully rely on our thoughts because these could be based on our insights. Perceptions/ insights can be influenced by modifying our thoughts.

4 Emotions are a permanent part of our life and need managing these on situation to situation basis by incorporating desired changes. For example, if we get in to angry mode time and again, can we try and inculcate the habit of being firm/assertive rather than angry? Remember nobody likes aggressive individuals and none is perfect. Identify deficiencies and look at alternatives and move on.                

.        

                                                                                Photo-You Tube

 Reactivate Yourself

The following suggestions are as important and valued to you as these are to me. This helps me in reminding to myself that charity begins at home…… An ancient Egyptian Proverb states that “If you wish to master your house you must first master your emotions.”

 1 Initiate reprogramming of thoughts and beliefs. Initially, we may feel uncomfortable because of firm convictions in our beliefs. Secondly, these may contradict with what we are used to believing since childhood. Possibly our parents never checked our beliefs and feelings about situations and values etc. We grew with whatever we observed, understood, and were told what was right. This is best done by sitting quietly and focusing on past incidents of anger and failures etc. These hidden feelings need to be released step by step. Take back mind to a particular incident and think in an unbiased manner whether these carryovers have benefited any way.

 2 It is just not possible to release suppressed emotions over night. There is need for constant scanning of thoughts that may vary from individual to individual/situations. Secondly, learn to be matured and restrained in giving dent to feelings. Nobody not even our family will be prepared to listen to our grievances every now and then. Learn and practice to compromise on situations. Thirdly, if the feelings are giving us sleepless nights, go ahead and give dent to feelings with politeness, without reactions. Don’t argue and extend the matter but come to a conclusion. Remember by just speaking out, we reduce half of our mental stress. All emotional concerns cannot be solved in one go. We need to be patient.

3 Appreciate that emotions are mysterious and unpredictable. Our survival instincts engage us in different kinds of emotions such as- competition, aggression, hate, happiness, comparisons, and desires etc. These are external in nature. At times we tend to be hypocrites and keep separate parameters for assessing our emotions and that of others. We at times carry emotional striptease of others but if others do the same to  us, we engage in reactive emotions. Why this double standard? Before we want to evaluate other’s emotions, carry a self audit of positive and negative characteristics of our own emotions and then compare on similar parameters.

4 Usually it is difficult to understand and know the true inner feelings of others.  People can change their thoughts, emotions, and attitudes towards one another on a drop of a hat, usually leading to an emotional drama.  False images of self in comparison to others form the foundation for emotional reactions. A good relationship means understanding of our self image and that of others.  We could still commit mistakes which we have to live with. Remember we are not dealing with machines but humans who can change any time. Control instant emotional reactions by improving on patience levels and listening skills and not hearing alone. Develop on loyalty, integrity, respect in relationships and an attitude of ‘share and care’.

To tap it-Often it is difficult to abruptly change/control emotions. But yes we may surely need to learn to live with them. It’s imperative to be politically correct.  And that calls for trying not to put across negative emotions publically. I feel displaying controlled emotions is a gift of God and not everyone is lucky to have the emotional grace. It also makes a pitch for becoming spiritually aware. What is the use of being successful, if we are not able to incorporate ability to understand, use, and manage our own emotions in positive ways? Great need to communicate effectively, empathize with others and overcome challenges and build on relationships with family/friends. The only person who can change what we feel is just we.  A new job may temporarily distract us from our feelings, but no other person, no material possession, can change our feelings. Yes not easy. It needs lot of practice/experimentations. Ultimately it is the God Father ‘MIND’ that needs tuning. Not reflecting positive emotions means losing personal touch, a great and essential quality of leadership. Try balancing emotions by incorporating Switch-on-Switch off policy.

 

Bhushan Kachru

Blogger