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                                              Expectations From Myself 

                                                                          Photo-Shifaaz Shamoon (Unsplash)

Expectation, a conviction that often is a run on the future, may or may not be realistic. A less beneficial result gives rise to the emotion of displeasure. If something positive / negative happens that is not at all expected, it is a surprise. From times immemorial ‘Expectation’ as an emotion has been and will be a permanent fixture of all phases of our being. Right from the early toddler days till our end, expectations keep growing based on our thinking paradigms. Our hope and anticipations generally starts from hunger, toys, candies, good grades in examinations, attraction to opposite sex, good professional education and job, settled family life, earning lot of money, travelling overseas, good health etc. Name anything and our mind shifts focus to have it. Whether as an individual/ group, there is no end to expectations. I will not be wrong to state that some of us want everything under the sun, whether we deserve it or not. I feel there is no wrong in expectations as long as it is essential for our survival, becomes a motivation to accomplish our goals. Expectation in return for our gesture always leads to displeasure and hurt if we feel it is no comparison to what we might have done in the immediate past. While writing the post, I felt guilty, as often in the past, I have also felt hurt for no return gesture. This therefore is a reminder to me to forget expecting return gesture.  At times isn’t it a dilemma that time and again we are advised to be positive and not expect from people and life but give more without hope of returns. So many relationships go on rocks because of not meeting desired expectations from each other.  Ultimately expectations are part of human psyche. Need to be managed suitably like our other emotions.

 

                                                                     Photo-NinaAmir

Flashback

 Meeting expectations for me basically meant believing in my hard work, capability and skills to rise to hope and opportunity.  It was a firm conviction that something will happen now or in the near future.

 Everyone around has great hope and anticipation from their life. Yes it changes with different phases of life and experiences. It is true that some of us may not contemplate as to what we anticipate and look forward in life. Most thoughts generated in early part of life usually are based on our parents /teachers advice and learning from experiences of others. Most of the times our thinking paradigms keep travelling aimlessly with certain amount of self-dialogue. Some role is certainly played by our beliefs stationed in the subconscious mind. Meeting expectations from me essentially had to correlate with self- belief in my ability to rise to potential prospects and opportunity. At times it was the positive conviction in accomplishing a goal. Equally important were attributes like resilience, determination, will to achieve, life choices,  opportunities and certain amount of luck and ‘HIS’ grace.

  From school days like other teenagers, I would spend hours together standing before the mirror expecting to copy the handsome looking guy in the school. Waste several hours in reading romantic/crime novels.  Listen to Hindi songs/rock music. My late father expected me to get into an engineering college after schooling. Unfortunately wasn’t good in mathematics therefore couldn’t fulfil his expectations. Once in college, dating/relationships was largely on my mind like others during early adulthood. Expected to date the best around but settled for the second best. Gradually interest developed in studies/ obtaining good grades in examinations. With competition looming large, I was expected to concentrate largely on my studies.  Once I shifted to commerce/arts stream, I started doing better in studies and was able to fulfil most expectations of my parents. After college, I dreamt of getting in to   MBA stream. This was the time when the real story of expectations from me started rapidly sprouting. This was followed with joining corporate in HR functions. Certainly my expectations were not without occasional doubts and hiccups whether I would make it or not. Those were the days when my story had just embarked on the planned future journey in the professional world.  I would often bubble   with gusto, zest, energy, drive, dynamism as intent of my vitality. I was often made to imagine my professional career up the garden path but soon realized where the rubber hit the road.

 I started my profession on a high note and by the time I reached the mid- point in my career, there was a sudden bump leading to my feeling of being stuck in an unforeseen career jam. I was expected to look   at my inner and exterior self to find out how best to “connect the dots” by gradually building myself. Time and again reinvented my career and was always open to close gaps if any to succeed at a much faster rate and gain professional weight age. Right through I had been conscious of how I would present my persona and conduct to others? All along my career, I failed to identify the gaps between ‘what and how’ I performed being a career professional and how others perceived it and what actions I could have taken to reduce that gap? This would certainly remain regret. Oscar Wilde once said that, “Be Yourself, Everyone Else is Already Taken.” I feel this quote speaks the essence of my being. My way of communication, conduct and the way I used to react to a situation sums up to make a personality that differentiated me from rest of the pack. 

                                                          Photo-Sonnie-Hiles(Unsplash)

I have always been an aggressive and emotional person. My parents expected me to control my anger and they would often be unhappy. I have been through and through a transparent, straightforward, passionate and principled person. On the family front, right through I have been an obedient son who was lucky to have fulfilled most expectations of my late parents. I have been reasonably good in inter-personal relationships with good understanding with my loving spouse and siblings. I along with my spouse Rita raised our two children, giving them good professional education, married them off to good families. Both children are settled in the West and have decent professional spouses.

Often in pursuit of accomplishing goals, I came across failures, stumbling blocks; disappointments which were normal part of my evolving.  These did appear mountainous, encircled me couple of times, I felt like throwing the towel. I was expected to try and change my mind-set and accept failures. 

Reactivate Yourself

Removing expectations doesn’t mean lowering our bar but letting go of unnecessary pressure. Only when we feel relaxed, we can give our best. The following short story will help understand that if expectations from others are not met, it can turn us to weaknesses. Learn to live on our own strengths.

 

Once during winter, a king was outside his Palace. At night when he was entering his Palace, he saw an old man at the gate.  On getting close, he saw him wearing very little thin clothes and the King was surprised to see the old man in the cold winter night. He asked “Aren’t you feeling cold”?      The old man replied in affirmative and said “he had no warm clothes. For many years he was living like this only and God gave him strength to survive like this”.  King felt pity and told the old man to wait as he would send warm clothes. King forgot his promise of sending warm clothes. Next day soldiers found the dead body of the old man with message written on the ground-  “Your last night promise of sending me warm clothes took my life “

 

To tap it, I’ve learned that whenever we fail in achieving an expectation, it does open the way for better opportunities elsewhere. Life doesn’t always have to go the way we plan it. Most often, it grows haphazardly. As long as we are able to meet our expectations, be satisfied and happy, rest becomes history.

 

Bhushan Kachru

Blogger