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                                 Jealousy & Envy Dreadful

                               

                                                                                                   Photo www.stylecraze.com

Both ‘Jealousy and Envy’ reportedly originated from the ancient fight-or-flight reactions. These are worst emotions full of troubles within the human mindset and are generally created by your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. Unlike love/hatred which often gets reflected, jealousy and envy are all in one’s attitude and are rarely exhibited feelings. Who has not forgotten Shakespeare’s famous drama ‘Othello’ or Pakistani famous Urdu drama serials like ‘Nazr-e-Bad’, ‘Khamoshi’, ‘Daasi’ etc. to name few that majorly reflect dreadful human mindset of envy and Jealousy. If you happen to tell an individual casually “I feel you seem to be jealous?” Chances are that he would out rightly deny and take it as an insult. But who cares, it doesn’t cost to be jealous. Isn’t it surprising that you don’t appreciate what you possess (material/resources)? But simply focus on what others have and long-for it? In Kashmir (India) there is a saying which translates like ‘Not sad because we don’t have it, sad because they have it.’

 

 Jealousy and envy although associated but are two different types of venoms. They generally move jointly and both are negative emotions of highest order. Jealousy is the emotion related to fear that something you have will be taken away by someone else. It is an outcome of most individual’s lack of self-confidence, excess attachment to material, social comparisons, competition, and low esteem etc.  Envy on the other hand is the emotion of yearning for what someone else has. It is an emotional pain often invisible and sticks to your inner psyche like a bug.  As per ‘Harvard Business Review’ (April, 2010 issue), “Over the past 10 years, we have studied hundreds of executives and their organizations in an effort to discover what role this deadly sin plays in the workplace”. It has been found that regardless of the economic climate, people at all levels of an organization are open to envying.  The magazine further adds that at times people pull away from colleagues they envy because they may experience this sentiment more intensely with people who are close to them. Envying  makes it harder to get ahead in your career and reach your goals.

 

When you say “gosh if I had the same type of luxury car as my friend, that’s envy”. When a daughter-in-law feels threatened by the praise a mother-in-law showers on the other daughter-in-law that’s jealousy. Jealousy and envy play a major role in most disagreements and differences within families as also in the professional rivalry.

 

When an infant is being fed by the mother, if the feed is passed on to others, the infant starts crying and displays anger. This is how jealousy and envying starts its journey inside human mind. It carries on unless there is gradual change in attitudes towards positivity and strengthening of your mindset. It slowly drains energy and may lead to hatred, enmity, and wishing bad for others. The percentage off course varies with individuals and gender. It is very difficult to self-realize that one has malice of being jealous. I have also observed that often ‘have one’s’ (resourceful) being the ‘moon themselves, yet be jealousy of stars’. Also the more the richer and resourceful, the more jealous and envy one becomes.  At times some of you reflect the emotion unconsciously and when confronted you immediately become defensive: “I am not jealous. I was just saying.”  It is said that jealousy is strongest till the age of 5 or so since the child is totally dependent on parents and has very less interaction outside the family. It is common to observe that people doing reasonably good in their lives desire that they only should continue progressing as if they have the sole proprietorship on advancement in life. Isn’t this jealousy? If others excel, they brush it aside by criticizing “But this is not good that is lacking.” They not only cherry pick but their colored judgments are usually based on jealousy and envying. At times there is a concerted effort on part of some of you to put others down, not realizing your negative thinking because ‘when the going is good, bad also appears good to people around.’ One needs to be honest and forthright in admitting and correcting his negative behavior.

Let me share a brief short story.

 “Once, a man's feet struck against a large stone. He picked it up and placed it under a tree. Sometimes later, a painter came to paint a painting under that tree. As he left, some red paint fell on the stone and looked like vermilion. Sometimes later, a flower seller sat under that tree to make a flower garland. When she got up to leave, some flowers fell near the stone. The people thought that the stone was God's idol and started worshipping it. The tree grew jealous. He thought, "People come to offer prayers to the stone but before this, they used to come to sit in my shade." So, the tree picked the stone and flung it far away. When the people came to offer prayers, they found the stone missing. They said, "If God has left this place, then this place must be unholy and so is this tree." So they cut down the tree. With its dying breath, the tree Thought "Ah! Now I am being punished for being jealous."

                                                                                                      Photo-Brooke Cagle

     Steps to Reactivate Yourself

 

Bertrand Russell once said that, “Beggars do not envy millionaires, though of course, they will envy other beggars who are more successful.” You direct your envy at those whom you compare yourselves such as your colleagues at work, business associates, friends, relatives or neighbors.

Self Affirmations

Recognize your own past accomplishments to negate being envy or green-eyed.  Frequently remind yourself of your own strengths and try to focus on yourself and not on the glittering life of others. Comparing yourself with others within limits is natural and can be morale booster. Try measuring your present self against your past self.

 Social Comparisons

 Why can’t you be jealous of those who are better in personal values, are compassionate and empathetic etc? Because you may often feel personal values are mundane, it is the material possession which overrides everything else even for the short run.      

 1Comparisons lead to frustrations. Compare with those who are less resourceful than you.

 2 If others possess more, understand that it may be because of their hard work, education, and family background. Compare in totality and not only in what is visible.

 3 Don’t focus on rankings and hierarchy. These are temporary and can change any time. Instead focus on what you have rather than what you don’t. Put in extra efforts to improve and maintain what you possess.

 Thoughts and Beliefs

 Following will be useful:-

 1 For a moment be jealous of others. Now reverse the role and imagine others being jealous of you. See how bad you will feel. This is like a chain reaction and sooner you get out of this, better it is for well being of your mindset and happiness.

 2 The grass on the other side always appears greener. You don’t know what is actually happening in other’s lives which they keep under wrap for fear of losing pride and their jazzy and flashy exterior self.

 Self Control

  Can you try and practice initiating self control and refocusing your mind the moment you start feeling jealous and envy.  Derive inferences and modify thoughts and practice positive orientations to life. Remember jealousy and envying slowly eats and makes you hallow from inside.

 Self Confidence

 Undoubtedly jealous lack self confidence and seem good in snatching mentally other’s happiness and may also wish badly for them. Remember ‘what you wish for others comes back with interest’. Try maintaining poise even in adversity. Secondly, always be privy to the fact that nothing is permanent neither riches nor poverty. Be happy with whatever you have been destined and try maintaining it.

 Focus on Qualities

 

Everyone has some weaknesses irrespective of whether one is CEO or a worker. Keep motivating self all the time. Helen Keller said it best, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Jealousy and self-worth possibly seem to be so connected; focusing on your optimistic attributes can help to increase your self-respect.

 

            

      Over Possessiveness

 Over possessiveness and attachment usually leads to jealousy and envying. By all means love and adore your possessions but within limits. Remember restraining desires, over possessiveness, and managing difficulties is secret to satisfaction and a stable mindset. For example,

 In countries in the Indian subcontinent, when a son gets married, he starts loving and caring his spouse which is but natural. However, mothers generally are not prepared to accept this fact of life initially. They more often start becoming jealous of the other woman in the family. But gradually get adjusted. It is a fate accomplice that mothers forget that they themselves had passed through a similar situation when they got married.

 Often some of you are found talking loose: “How did he manage to buy a luxury car/ build a big house etc.”? If others view same for your assets, you immediately accuse mentally so and so of being jealous and envy your assets. Get out of these double standards.

 Reach out through Happiness

 Maintain your own confidence and realize that everyone is unique. Don’t pull down others progress by comparing grades/college/education/position/assets or beauty etc. Encourage others to stand elbow to elbow with you?

 Competition

 There is competition at each stage in life. By all means compete to improve knowledge, job, education, and overall improvements in life. But often out of jealousy and envying, people compete to satisfy their ego and showiness. Get out of these negative orientations. One is not aware of the total picture of the individual whom you consider as the bench mark.

Be One among Equals

 There is a tendency among some to be friend with riches and partying with them. This is mostly true in case of some females who instead of standing on their own feet want to shake their legs with riches. Get out of this showiness and be in your own. Ultimately this leads to jealousy and may even break up homes. Be friend and party with people with similar economic background, meeting of minds and thoughts.

 Bhushan Kachru

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