Loose Lips Sink Ships
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“Loose
Lips Sink Ships” is an American expression meaning
"Be
careful of indiscreet talk". To
have loose lips means to have a big jaw, helpless to speak about everything to
everyone. Sinking ships refers to anything from small associates to long and
hearty relationships.
Losing lips (backbiting) is to insult someone by biting him behind his back. Originally, backbiting referred to an unsporting attack from the rear in the blood sport of bear-baiting. However, over the years, it has become a customary fashion to disgrace selected people behind their back on the drop of a hat. Unkind remarks are no walk in the mall. It is an enemy within and is generally making insulting statements about individuals possibly we don’t like and are jealous of. To be honest, most knowingly or unknowingly normally participate in bad-mouthing whether as a listener or the actual person talking. Who knows you or I have probably been the subject of unkind remarks too. Many people are doting of talking negatively about their colleagues/ friends/family members just to malign them and show themselves in a good deed. They generally base information on their perception, gut feelings, rumors and without verifying the facts start losing lips.
Isn’t it surprising that some of us during our childhood were made to monitor our elder siblings as to what was going on in their private lives by our parents? This possibly helped to keep a tab on their conduct, friends, and links with the opposite sex, etc. There were occasions when we were bribed with candies etc. to hide the real facts. Our parents initially encouraged us to backbite until we started bad-mouthing about them to our grandparents. I am sorry to admit that at times I have been talking loose and bitching about others when frustrated. It is deceitful and high time I initiate mending my ways. I have requested my spouse Rita to keep a tab and monitor my bad tendency.
The word gossip assumed the meaning of a person, mostly a woman, one who delighted in idle talk, a newsmonger, a tattler during the 16th century. Gossip is a form of collective grooming that helps social bonding among people. Most of us tittle-tattle to get attention and to make ourselves feel better. However, at times it may backfire on us doing the talking, and those who are willing to stand there and listen. Chitchat is an easy tendency to fall into and we often don't even realize we're doing it. For example, in an office social get-together, as you make your way to the gathering, you see a group of colleagues huddled in a corner talking in hush-hush voices. They are possibly discussing some colleagues who habitually grease the palms of their superiors and follow it with hefty laughing. They wave you over to join the chit-chat. A little away, you find a group of ladies winking at each other and sharing notes on lady secretaries and their relationships, some office romances going on, and watching grey movies on Netflix, etc. Thereby adding juicy cocktails and romanticizing the discussions.
Let
me share an interesting story on the subject
One day an acquaintance met Socrates, and said, “Do you know what I just heard about your friend?” "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test. "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test. The first is the Filter of Truth. Have you made sure you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and." All right," said Socrates. "So you don't know if it's true or not. No, try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?" “No, on the contrary…” "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?" "No, not really …
" Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"
Steps to Reactivate
Yourself
The
sole motive of bad-mouthing is jealousy and wishing evil for one another. Chitchat on the
other hand is one of the most widely shared and unconscious addictions. People
rarely consider themselves gossip addicts.
Introspection:
Carry out a
self-introspection and scan your mindset. Focus on your strengths/weaknesses.
Nobody nor you or I do have a license to talk ill about others. Appreciate how
much energy we lose when we backbite.
Discourage Gossips:
If you are habitual chit
chatter, others will lose gradually trust in you. Once you say something, it is
impossible to take it back, so always think before speaking. On the contrary, one witnesses a common
practice to tittle-tattle about colleagues/friends/family relations /neighbourhood,
etc. Discussions generally range from
making fun, discussing personal lives in the absence of the concerned person.
Sometimes even the personal affairs/secrets/family matters find a place in
these gossip sessions For instance:
“Do you know that Sheetal is going strong with
Avinash? On the recent team-building training at Rishikesh, she was with
Avinash in his room. HA HA HA"
"Wow, isn't Shalini gorgeous?" “I am
not able to concentrate on my work the moment I look at her.” Ah! Look at her
curves......
The above contents do appear juicy and a
time pass and attention-grabber. The participants in such meetings do not
realize that somebody can talk similar things about them and how would they
feel? Therefore discourage chit-chatting about others. This is negative behaviour
and you are only wasting your mental energy.
Distrust Backbiters:
Generally, backbiters
are not reliable. If they backbite about others to you, nothing stops them to
backbite about you to others. Backbiters are shameless and have no principles.
They usually lose their respect in community functions when they talk about
people in their absence.
Controlling Speech:
The teachings of
Buddhism lay extreme emphasis on exercising control of your tongue. Buddha once
said that “The
tongue is like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood”. You need to carefully
think while framing your thought contents and be careful on the delivery
process. So if you desire well-being for yourselves, you need to practice
controlling your speech. For instance:
Backbiting generally starts by being
defensive, "I'm just saying," This way a backbiter reassures himself
that he is not mentioning something as bad as backbiting; it's just
"saying" things as they are. In other words, he is trivializing the
act and telling himself that backbiting isn't all that bad.
Isolate Backbiters:
Sugary-sweet behavior in front of you and
backstabbing behind your back are common in social interactions. This leads to
distrust and affects relationships. It is a fact that backbiters get encouraged
because some of you take utmost interest in listening to the juicy and outrageous
information about your friends/acquaintances. Try to ignore such people and
isolate them by clearly pointing out that you do not relish talking at the
back. Confront and tell them that you are not interested in their gossips.
Energies Mind:
Some
of you generally tittle-tattle and do backbiting when you are idling away your time.
You seem to be eager to up-date yourselves with who is doing what. This habit
is common with those who feel that there is nothing worthwhile happening in
their lives. Such people are generally found interfering in other people's
lives by relaying news from one relative/ friend to another over the phone.
Such people are advised to keep themselves occupied in gardening, prayers, or
joining social organizations.
Resist Defaming:
I have observed when people are in anger and frustration
mode, they start abusing without break. Unfortunately, they do not realize that
they are adding bad deeds to their karmic balance sheet. They do not stop here
and go on complaining, defaming, and divulging information without any
objectivity.
Be Diplomatic:
We all
operate in an environment full of gossip, backbiting, and jealousy both in official
and in social circles. In Army circles, they generally call it "langer
gup" (Kitchen gossip). Your refraining from participating in such
groups at times may alienate you and it may be construed that you are egoistic.
It is, therefore, necessary to remain diplomatic by not participating in such
gossips although physically present in such gatherings.
To Tap it:-For all those
who tittle-tattle and make unkind remarks about you: thank them for their
attention and focus on you.
Bhushan Kachru
Blogger
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