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                           Develop Negatives 

                                                                                          Credit -Ziad K. Abdelnour

During school days I often listened to sermons of my late parents-- “Don’t play with girls. Don’t bunk school. Don’t steal a look at girls during their sports class etc. It is negative behavior”. As I grew, most    people including learned saints, I found repeatedly advising for developing negatives. About a decade back, I searched for books on the subject, I came across many on achieving success, how to be positive etc. None gave practical tips on how to develop negatives.   I think if there are no negatives, how positivity would steer itself? What an irony every 2^nd person feels that he/she is positive while others are not.   I opine that if there are no negatives, possibly there is bound to be imbalances in the society. According to the National Science Foundation, an average person has about 12,000 to 60,000 thoughts per day. Of those, 80% are negative and 95% are repetitive thoughts. Most people don’t understand meaning of behavior in totality. For them behavior generally connotes- anger, aggression, impatience, irritations etc. Clifford Nass( Stanford University) has said-- “Some people do have a more positive outlook, but almost everyone remembers negative things more strongly and in more detail.” For example, negative remarks will stay for a long time than the optimistic comments.

 I feel getting bounded by negativity looks similar to   getting caught and drenched in heavy rains and tornado. We eagerly look for safer places to cover under. Developing negativity not only makes us mentally stronger, but is a behavioral challenge that enshrines new hope and vigor.  It is not enough to steer our way cautiously through negativity but smash it on way and develop surroundings to positive and affirmative behavior.

                                                                             Credit- Obie Fernandez (Unsplash)

                                                                                 

The alliance of positive and negative behavior is perhaps as old as the human race itself. Demon (negative) and Angel (positive) have customarily been travelling together like good and bad, success and failure etc.  Our senses are primarily responsible for developing seeds of positive and negative thoughts.  To add attributes such as societal influences,   beliefs etc. slowly convert to convictions and take a permanent place in our mind.  The negative and positive thoughts are off course relative and their usage may vary from individual to individual depending on their objectives.  These exist side by side, each trying to overpower the other. However, negativity more often wins the battle of controlling thoughts.  I am of the opinion that majority of negatives emerge from our inter-personal relationships and connected issues.

            

Reactivate Positive Behavior

Developing negative behavior   elevates personal values, reinforces Karma and has a fascinating influence of attracting people to us.  Being positive is a mirror of conduct and a pedestal from where we infuse our inner self to overcome the inner demon (negativity). While expecting best to happen, let us also accept that positivity and negativity would remain a permanent feature of our lives.  My experiences suggest that developing negatives requires being transparent, straightforwardness, logical, principled and authentic.

                 

                                                                                          Credit-Fernando Brasil (Unsplash)

Lead by Examples

 People generally comment ‘behaviors don’t change’. Undoubtedly developing negative behavior will always be a tough call. I for one disagree. How society in general has accomplished reduction in tobacco and drug users, reduction in obesity and alcoholism, observing traffic rules etc. Human beings have, in principle control over their self-behavior.  I guess experiences of failure may at times act as a change agent. Repeated counselling, soft skills training, giving incentives to some extent may help develop to positivity.  Secondly demonstrating   personal examples of successful transformation

 

Unbiased Criticism

Criticism is a leading malaise and most knowingly or unknowingly including me (occasionally) contribute. It is easy to pass judgments on say some one’s speech/ work/ teaching or writing a book etc. However, the saddest part is the critic rarely volunteers to present a better picture.   Unbiased criticism will certainly influence initiating concrete steps to develop negative behaviors gradually. It would be advisable to undertake self-criticism and quote certain past incidents of negative behaviors and how we undertook corrections. It may be difficult to give negative feedback but for building relationships, I feel it is essential and productive.

 

Affirmative Thinking

Developing negativity is basically a process of self-improvisation. Stop using negative words in conversations. Consciously monitor belief and be anxious as to what kind of thoughts are leading to negative emotions. Think how we can shift focus to the positive counterparts of our thoughts accordingly. It does call for regular practice. It is an accepted fact that if we surround ourselves with helpful surroundings, we will end up being optimistic. Spend free time to undertake some hobby, reading, sports or yoga. Focus on some past pleasing situations to get distraction from pessimism. 

  Respect for Feelings

Occasionally we may feel dejected because of bad conduct of others. Try maintaining calm and react by a smile. Don’t do an emotional striptease. We have no control on outside circumstances but surely we can control our reactions to these. Similarly while advising for change, if someone condemns or passes a sarcastic remark, just be matured enough to ignore and digest.

 Communication Preface to Thinking

 Unconsciously we may give out negative vibes which may be caught by others. It is important to have stable emotions i.e. without anger and preconceived notions, before resolving conflicts and disagreements. Don’t ever get in to a silent mode and block communicating. Give a long pause say few hours to cool down tempers and bad behavior.

 

Optimism and Affirmations

 Imbibing constructive thoughts is a self- proactive change and happens   with strong self- belief, confidence and optimistic attitudes. Learn and practice thinking and feelings which are realistic and not based on perceptions, assumptions and beliefs. Once we have decided to believe in something upbeat, our mind after little hesitation may fall in line and obey the command but surely needs ample practice initially. If we don’t take charge of our thoughts, we’ll be in the clutches of adverse emotions.  Constantly cribbing may be a total mood damper. Instead get into the habit of expressing gratitude and appreciating   all the good things that have happened so far.  

 Developing Social Support

Social relationships are critical part of our behavioral chain and conducts keep changing and improving with societal interactions. Social and family pressures often help in transforming to positive behavior. Building climate of brotherhood is a slow process and we need a strong resolve to come out of the usual excuse of ‘but, because, and if.’ It is quite possible for some of us to be aware of our bad habits but our egos create a wall for amend. How about knocking at the neighbor’s door to meet and renew relationships?

 Flexibility Leads to Positivity

Strong likes and aversions are rare personality characteristics found in some people who are sensitive, impatient and somewhat aggressive, judgmental and biased. It may depict negative orientation to life perspectives. Sad, at times I myself depict these attributes.  Flexible approach is usually preamble to a positive behavior. Characteristics like stiffness and inflexibility are generally linked to lack of proper childhood behavioral training.  Changing and improving habits do require open-mindedness and carrying out a self- assessment with suitable corrections that gradually works.

 

Behind the Door Negativity

This may be common in some social settings. Generally one of the members with negative orientations/ Jealousy/politicking may take revenge by scheming up /backbiting behind the door and feeding ears with negativity.  This is extreme negative behavior and often becomes major cause of misunderstandings/conflicts.

 

To Tap it- “Positive People also have negative thoughts. They just don’t let those thoughts control them”

 

 

Bhushan Kachru