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                                 Beyond   Desperation 

                                                                  Photo-David Hofman (Unsplash)                                    

     ‘Desperation’; an emotion and challenger of frustration is part of our sprouting. It signifies the intense fire in bellies of most that becomes the stamp of meeting their life challenges. It is similar to the mental state of a non swimmer when he is thrown suddenly in a swimming pool. Desperation travels along till our end with off course varied intent from time to time. For example, most desperately chase to pinch a dream job, grab a dream girl  for date, become desperate to  earn lots of money and other life luxuries , have most beautiful/handsome spouse, and finally desperate to live long and a healthy life etc. Name anything, thoughts of most work overtime desperately to desire it.  Many times the path of accomplishing life goals appears leading to an utter dead end, reverses lead to pain and restlessness. Desperation followed by motivational drive becomes a stimulating force to make one anxious to perform. Wilting under desperation and quitting may at times look easy option but the real hero is one who refuses to bend, stands erect and marches ahead. This is how many change winter to spring in their lives.   Life is a ‘bet and test’ but for desperation, chances of accomplishing goals do not end up like a probability. Imagine desperation of Abraham Lincoln who faced 29 years of repeated failures. I wish life was so simple that by adding sugar, we could make it sweeter as we do in case of a pudding. 

                                                                                                               Photo: monkeybusinessimages

Desperation at times is like a shadow that follows us all through; sometimes it hides and walks slowly, while at other times it increases its speed. However, there are occasions, when it rings alarm bells and sets in fears.  There may be occasions when we may lose skill to reach a goal, but desperation will buck us up to do anything to still achieve it. For example, working day/night to meet a cut-off date or at times ‘beg, borrow or steal’ help.  Sometimes with desperation as an inspiration, we may travel few extra miles over and above our endurance levels to meet the deadline. For example, Wilma Rudolf who got 3 gold medals in Athletics in 1960 Olympics is a sheer example of her desperation to succeed in spite of pneumonia and stroke at the age of 4 and other physical disabilities.

I am of the opinion that it is not desperation which is a problem, but our reaction to it makes all the difference.  Some of us become nervous on a small pretext, while others may have great self-confidence and see desperation as a challenge and opportunity to move on. To me desperation is of two kinds- performing under fear and secondly instils anxiety to accomplish life challenges. Most of us are always desperate to accomplish personal/family goals, completing project/job deadlines, build relationships etc.  Desperation at times makes us act like a bold and puts extreme zeal to perform. The following brief story explains it all.

 A man once asked Socrates the secret to success. Socrates took him to a river and asked him to get in to the river. When the water got up to his neck, Socrates ducked him into the water. The man struggled to get out but Socrates kept him there until the man started turning blue.  He pulled his head out of the water and the first thing the man did was to gasp and take a deep breath.  Socrates asked, 'What did you want the most when you were there?" The man replied, "Air." Socrates said, "That is the secret to success. When you want success as badly as you wanted the air, then you will get it. There is no other secret”.

 Reactivate Yourself

Anxiety teaches that on experiencing the right amount of desperation, we try hard to put in our best. What type of mind-set and psychological response we have developed over the years makes all the difference? Desperation and motivation work in unison to get that momentum moving rest becomes history.

  1 Become Emotionally Rugged

Unless our feelings and thoughts are in a stable condition, these will affect and interfere with our anxiousness to perform? How about developing self-thrill to perform under crisis by walking few extra miles hungry and barefooted? Desperation converts the intense inner drive and force to execute the intent. One needs to carry out a huge mental shake up and put all energies to get seriously thinking about how to break through.

 2 Desperation Potent than Inspiration

 Inspiration, motivation and desperation are vital organs of our mission accomplishing campaign. Inspiration strives to achieve something of par excellence.  Desperation strives to resolve problematic issues. But for desperation, inspiration and motivation will remain just on paper.  Never ever associate desperation with negative feelings instead uses it as a tool that surely digs out our full potential. Desperation at times is probably a more powerful motivator to make things move.  When there are extreme desperation levels, we take risks and overcome fear of failure.

                                            

                                                                                             Photo-Peter Bucks (Unsplash)

3 Work Related Anxiety

# Work pressures are  more often related to our behaviors such as:- instant reaction to a criticism , lack of digesting comments/criticism, conflicts, indiscipline, lack of maintaining work schedules, poor  inter-personal relationships etc.

 # On job separation, don’t just curs destiny. Instead think “Can I do something constructive to utilize my time productively”. Simultaneously work desperately to find another opening.

 # Carry an unbiased self- assessment and improve week areas of performance for reinforcing strengths.   Ensure desperation levels do not go beyond to lead us to stress. Avoid becoming too friendly with colleagues and superiors, try maintaining a safe distance. Often closeness may lead to intrigues, internal politics etc.

 4 Family Stresses

# Family comprises of individuals with different personality dynamics,  internal dialogues, objectives etc.  Disagreements and misunderstandings are bound to occur due to conflict of interests, aggressive behavior , ego hassles, economic reasons etc.  The best we can do is to remain neutral, be an observer and walk the talk. Even if there is a temporary truce, go ahead to ease the situation before a permanent solution is evolved. Don't ever leave family conflicts unattended thinking that these will die in normal course of time. Try resolving these at the earliest otherwise these may become major disputes and lead to disintegration.

 # Family-related pressures most of the time are manageable because generally members have a common objective of staying together as long as possible. ‘Praying together helps staying together'.

 5 Relationship Anxieties

# Most working couples are running after fulfilling their materialistic desires, social comparisons and generally bring work related pressures home. As a result often there are disagreements and misunderstandings leading to disharmony.  Sit with our partner on a cup of tea/ glass of wine and have a heart to heart chat. Take initiative in resolving by assuring of continued mutual love. Apologies, if we have let our spouse down for interests elsewhere. Never betray trust even under severe provocations. It disturbs the emotions and builds doubts and suspicions.

 # At times we may become anxious due to tension with our friends / neighbors such as fighting on parking of vehicles, using common space in flats, water leakages or children fighting on trivial issues etc. builds unnecessary stress and mental pressures. Communicating and discussing the subject of conflict helps in easing the situation.

 6 Relax To Evade Anxiety

 # Focus on issues which we are able to control and let go of the rest at least for the time being. Try to narrow efforts and energies which we feel will help to ease the situation. Recognize what we can control or not. On certain unresolved concerns time is a big healer.

 # Release pressures on work/ family front by meditating and praying. If still things don't improve, accept the ways of life and move on.

 # We all have physical and mental limits. Try to step away if we feel we are pushing to the point of overtiredness. Everything else can wait but our mental and physical health is upper most.

 #  De stress by going out to a nearby park. Watch the nature, it's off springs like birds, flowers, trees etc to rejuvenate and energize.

 To Tap it—“In life we need either Inspiration or desperation. The desperate usually succeed because they have nothing to lose”

 

Bhushan Kachru

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