Be Happy With Yourself

                                                              Photo-Hamid Tajik (Unsplash)

From time immemorial the major mission of mankind has been to acquire happiness and remain cheerful and successful all the time. We often feel that success is a bridge that connects us to happiness. Isn’t it debatable because happiness is our state of mind, and our outlook on overall life perceptions? To me, happiness is in our thought patterns, balanced emotions, and great self-belief. This can make a huge difference in avoiding negativities around and develop an aura just about. Being happy constantly motivates and boosts up to undertake initiatives that convert dreams to reality. Unfortunately, happiness is neither available off the shelf nor it can be purchased or borrowed. French writer Rochefoucauld says that “Happiness lies in the taste and not in the things”. This is contrary to the common perception that happiness means the success of our endeavors, elevation at work, more money, assets, etc. These do make us feel good for few moments, but soon lose their shine and onset craving for more and more. Life is not a straight line nor is it adverse all the time. It is a basket containing a mix of ‘happy events, sad events, and changing events’. Nobody is happy and sad all the time, but some people are more fulfilled than others while others are always unhappy even when they succeed in their life goals.

I am firm of the opinion that I may just have a moderate living and lifestyle. No big assets, big houses, big chairs, and cars. But honestly, as long as I have self-esteem and work towards self-actualization, I am on the top of a happiness mountain. Oh! The joy and bliss of playing around with kids especially grandkids are surely icing on the cake Would you like to take a lead?

                                                                     Swami  Baldev Jee Maharaj 

Some years back I was at Sacha Dham Ashram, Laxman Jhula, Rishikesh to have an audience with our late spiritual Guru  Swami Baldev Jee Maharaj (sadly he passed out of his body) on Sunday the 23^rd May,21 due to Covid-19 complications. He was a spiritual Guru from Sacha linage and had spent several decades at Sacha Dham Ashram since his teenhood.  After paying my usual obeisance, I asked “Swami jee that many acquaintances keep debating about how to acquire happiness.  I find different understandings being conveyed. I would request if you could please enlighten me with your poised views. After a pause, he said, Mr. Kachru, “You are asking a question that millions need to answer for themselves, who knows maybe everyone on the planet.   Well have you experienced that the more you secure for happiness, the more it skids away? Happiness is very delicate and frail and is like a bird that often shifts from one place to another. It often looks like a mirage. It is a choice and is not ready-made. Often we fail to recognize it unless it flies away. Happiness is in our inner feelings; it is not dependent on exterior things and material prosperity as most people feel. Everyone is mad after happiness and wants to catch it yesterday and keep it. Alas if it was ever true”. He continued by narrating a story, the brief of it is as below

“An old man living in a village was possibly fairly unlucky as the whole village was tired of him; he was always gloomy, constantly complained, and was generally in bad mood. The longer he lived, the angrier he was becoming and more poisonous were his words. Villagers avoided him because his bad luck became infectious. At times, it was even insulting to be happy sitting next to him. He created the feeling of sadness and discontentment in others. On the day he became eighty years old, an unbelievable thing happened. Instantly everyone heard the rumor: “The old man is happy today, he doesn’t complain about anything, smiles, and even his face is freshened up”. The whole village gathered together. The old man was asked:–What happened to you? Nothing special –He answered. – Eighty years I’ve been chasing happiness, and it was useless. And then… I decided to live without happiness and just enjoy life… That is why I am happy now!”

Swami jee concluded, Often people resist change unless they see it leading to acquiring happiness.  

 

Steps to Reactivate Yourself

 How often have we have spared some time and thought that isn't our lives increasingly become regimental. We spend our entire life searching and craving for happiness, but it eludes us like a jumping monkey.  Life doesn’t bring happiness always, but surely it gets better when we realize things that we can’t change to our aspirations.

 Changing Ourselves

 Don’t expect people and situations to change to our needs. Bringing happiness home envisages that we undertake self-change and adjust our attitudes and behavior to people and particular situations. Remember terrible mindset is like a flat tire, we can’t go very far unless we mend it. Our differing views need to be modified suitably to suit a particular situation. In the end what counts is moving ahead, not getting struck. For example,

 Looking back to my past long corporate career, I would like to say that sometimes being authoritative, I did not bend and felt that my opinions on the subject were correct and normally not adjust to the behavior of others. As the result sometimes happiness eluded me and it had a resultant effect on my performance levels.

 In pursuing life goals most forget to spend time with them to assess where their life is heading to.  What is the larger purpose of their being and how could they make suitable amends? Unfortunately, most of us live for others. Take a look:-

  “First I was dying to finish my high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. Then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough. So I could go back to work. But then I was dying to retire. And now I am dying. And suddenly I realized I forgot to live.”                                                                                                   (Ref:Pravstalk.com)

Don’t Look for Appreciations

 While building healthy relationships, don't expect a return gesture. Each mind is unique and it doesn't need to work the way we like it. Remember expectations in life always lead to unhappiness.

 Don’t React to Criticism and Politicking

 Backbiting and politicking etc. are common everywhere. Most participants in these activities never bother to look at their mindset. Secondly, accept that politicking is part of the societal setup and we have to live with it.

  Get out of Social Comparisons

We are in the habit of frequently comparing ourselves socially which often leads to frustrations and jealousy etc. Each person carves his life journey. Some are lucky enough to walk the journey fast while for some, the journey may be tedious. Remember no two individuals are born with the same mindset and KARMA. For example,

 There may be times when we feel happy about buying a new flat. Then we feel bad when we see that our neighbor has gone ahead and bought a bigger flat.

Forgive and Forget

 This is the most powerful aid to happiness. We often develop ill feelings for the person who insults us and nurture grievances. This in turn results in loss of sleep and disturbs our mind. Get over this bad habit and believe in the doctrine of Karma.

Try to Control Being in the Future

Look at our children; they don't have a care in the world because they live for the moment. Often in our day-to-day interaction, we come across people who are unclear on their life goals and often utter “when someday I have success, I will buy a new car, etc". That someday God knows will come or not. However, there may be few who would say “for buying a car, I am saving money now”.  Happiness in life is achieved by handling small problems one at a time in the present moment and this small happiness ultimately totals up to big happiness.

Tolerate What can’t be Changed

 Even after trying repeatedly, if we still fail to achieve a particular goal, don't repent and waste any more time. Shift priorities and learn to bear with failures and move on.

  Bite only What can be Chewed up

 Don’t take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out. By all means, accept more responsibilities but be sure of personal limitations in ensuring justice and being accountable. Remember to take good with bad.

  Jog in With Laughter

  Laughing is nature’s gift and people found laughing and smiling depict their approach and outlook towards life and optimistic behavior. A hefty laugh speaks volumes about our inner dynamics and life perspectives. Laughing installs optimism and directs our minds to happiness and satisfaction. It shifts focus from our problems and acts as a catalyst in cheering our minds. The roaring laughter is like ‘icing on the cake’ and acts as a bridge to happiness, intimacy, and togetherness.

 Silence is Conserving Mind Energy

Chatting all the time reflects a mind in flux. Silence is our response to anger and criticism. A monk once rightly said that 'silence is like a monastery. We create a little quieter corner up in the mountains, away from the rest of the world'. Even ten minutes of deep silence will help to boost energy and provide much-needed rest to the jumping mind.

 Have Attitude of Gratitude

 Developing an attitude of being cheerful and contended about our achievements. Be grateful to all those who contributed and helped to achieve various milestones. When we take possession of the present instant, we ought to choose to be grateful and be optimistic and positive.

 Give Back Through Self-Actualization

 The underline principle of self-actualization is service for the development of people, a dream which most cherishes to be in ultimately. Self- actualized creates a positive aura and attracts positive circumstances and opportunities into our lives. Self- actualization helps develop an emotional chord between us and the receiver. Make it a habit to reach out to fulfill the larger purpose of life- give back to society what society has given us.

 Develop Relationships

 Try participation in social, community, educational, spiritual circles. Meet new people and share your time and energies for causes we are serious about. Mentoring someone, or take up visiting faculty role in institutions in our subject specialization, etc. It will help others and make us feel happy.

 Work-Life Balancing 

 Periodically check up whether we are maintaining a balance between work- life-family - feelings and emotions. Any deviations need to be probed and efforts made to put it back on rails. Let us recall how our parents had a comparatively happier life and what lessons need to be incorporated into our lifestyle.

      To tap it:- Nobody can make us happy until we're happy with ourselves first. Accept where we are in life and make the most out of it every day.

  

Bhushan Kachru

Blogger